Ramblings

It’s been a while since I’ve actively participated in the Church Sound Check mailing list, but I do watch the emails that come across. Today, this little gem came across the wire and made me laugh. It was posted by Dave Marks.

Here’s my profile of the typical CSCer. Don’t cringe if you see yourself in this!

• Male, mid 40′s.
• Holds a technical day job, in engineering, or sales.
• Has been married an average of 15 years, has 2.5 kids.
• Wife is active in the church as well.
• Is a closet guitar/bass player, once had his room plastered with KISS posters and still loves Peter Frampton.
• Drives a four door sedan with Burger King debris in the back seat.
• Really wants an SUV but made the sacrifice so the wife could buy the van.
• Has at least 2 computers in the house and 2 cell phones.
• Has at least 3 dead computers in the garage.
• Has at least one hard drive doorstop.
• Has all of Stan Freeburg’s albums.
• Spends just a *little* too much time at church doing those things that wouldn’t get done.
• Carries a Swiss Army knife or Leatherman/SOG equivalent.
• Has hole in right pocket from said tool wearing through the pocket.
• Subscribes to all the worship email lists.
• Reads all the ads in Church Production magazine.
• Longs for a digital board and intelligent lighting but settles for intelligent worship leader and a board that doesn’t hum.
• “Technical” bookmark list in web browser is 8 times longer than “Potential Vacation” bookmarks.
• Has been known to mix with one hand and run PowerPoint with the other hand.
• Coils cable in his sleep.
• Drives wife nuts by calling out the model name of all mics used during Grammies, Oscars, Golden Globes, and Wheel of Fortune.
• Has telepathic abilities with pastor, choir director, worship leader. Unfortunately telepathic abilities do not extend to wife.
• Gets strange glances when visiting other churches by craning neck upward through out service trying to identify speakers.
• Thinking about writing “A Soundman’s Spotter’s Guide to Speaker Clusters”.
• Knows phone number for Parts Express by heart.
• Can’t remember birthdays of wife, children, or parents. Often forgets his own birthday.
• Has Mag lites in every size and color.
• Can point out various soldering scars on hands and remember exactly when and where each “oops” occurred.
• Drives wife nuts by calling home, asking her to dig into pile of manuals, pull out the manual from the bottom of the pile, turn to page 236 , and read dip switch settings from top to bottom. “Wait, are you sure you’re reading from the top down?”
• Talks about Curt and Tom and Ray as if he’s known them all his life even though he’s never met them.
• Has people at his church convinced that Ray invented dirt.
• Longs for a LAB 12 subwoofer.
• Drives wife nuts on long trips by tapping out Morse Code on steering wheel “just to stay in practice”.